There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
