I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
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I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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