you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
