I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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