Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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