I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
