Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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