whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
