did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
