After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
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I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
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I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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