i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
