I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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