did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
