Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
