my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
