Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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