I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
