this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
