Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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