it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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