so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
