I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
