my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
