Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
