The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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