I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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