From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We got so high we made milksteak
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
