Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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