Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she pinky promised me she was 18
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
