I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
