just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
