Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
