Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
