i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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