i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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