the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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