You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
