Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
