they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
