Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
