your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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