I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
