OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
