put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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