I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pants are for mortals
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
