Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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