dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
