how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
