one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
