Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
