is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
