who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
