My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
