What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Randomize
