I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
