So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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