Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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