I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
