walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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