Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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