eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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