Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I love you. Go after that dick
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
