dude i'm inner monologue high
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
