So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
