we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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