I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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