I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
