so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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