Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
It's just like the Real World with babies
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
