Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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