I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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