Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
