so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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