my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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