I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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