my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
